>>[The Pistol with 32 Apertures]

This early evening was cold and damp with the rain of May.
Raw instincts whirled severely, almost emptying themselves.
I hid at the pull of the trigger, of
the dust covered, cold and heavy pistol with 32 apertures
my image of this six-tatami room keeps returning to that night seven years ago.

Actually, when your eyes were directed at me
it was like being cornered
I was then unable to advance forward
so, in the same way again, it comes to an end.

When I was a child
I was always, always, lonely
When times were harsh for me,
I wanted you to realize it.
I cried, but I was thrown aside.
For countless nights, 
the faces of Father and Mother who casted me aside would resurface
and I would cry...and cry...
with increasing loudness

This early evening was cold and damp with the rain of May.
Everyday I've been burying myself in the comforting raw instincts which almost whirled themselves empty,
but that comes to an end today.
My chest was splitting profusely, profusely, so profusely!

If I were to necglect my feelings,
then it would all would become much easier.
Merely hesitating is not doing anything at all
If my birth could have been changed,
*even if it were a bit, it would at least be much happier than now...

I who had been brought up receiving love from my incredibly kind mother and my worrying father, hated how much of a coward and weakling I was...

When I was a child
I was always, always, lonely
When times were harsh for me,
I wanted you to realize it.
I cried, but you threw me aside.
For countless nights
father and mother's face would resurface
and I would cry...

Someday when the three of us can join hands together again,
it will be here again, where we can live together
Why is it that after I said that and 
even after waiting for you for so long
you are not returning?
...even when I had actually been waiting for you...


(The young boy who continued his beliefs in his wait, ironically went back to his parents on an afternoon five days later...)


--------------notes-------------
`'you' refers to his parents. I used you because the only term I know to express it is y'all(you all)...which doesn't sound fitting. 'Both of you' didn't fit either.

...glossary...
`Apertures - openings/gaps/slits (possibly indicating the opening through which the bullet shoots out of or the number of holes that hold bullets in the gun. I'm not sure. I'm not familiar with guns.

...my interpretations...
`*there are 2 ways I look at what it can mean,1:even if my birth was changed a bit, I would definitely have a much happier time than now, or 2:even if that possible happiness was a bit, at least it would happier than now.
`Plot: This child, albeit having a harsh childhood, where he was possibly shot at(for 32 times?! I seriously don't understand the role of the number 32 here, maybe it's not even a pistol, but a metaphor.), still sees his parents as loving, concerning and kind, probably thought their actions towards him was because of his own weakness and cowardice but he still believed they loved him and said there was a chance they could live together like before, they just had to return and he would wait. However those parents didn't care at all, so he decided not to wait any longer, not to continue his confidence and belief that his parents would come back for him out of love. So he went back...after waiting for so long.